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Subject: Re: 俳句
From: TAKASUGI Shinji (tssf.airnet.ne.jp)
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:52:58 GMT
References: 1


> 早朝に
> 鳴る小鳥たち
> 眠れない

The rhythm of 5-7-5 morae is okay.

The verb for birds is () く, not () る. And you need a word that stands for a season, say, spring. Using (はる) (あさ) instead of 早朝 (そうちょう) に is just fine.



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